Broscience: Yo, Bro!

bro science, how to gain weight and muscle fast

Definition of Bro Science from the Urban Dictionary:

Broscience is the predominant brand of reasoning in bodybuilding circles where the anecdotal reports of jacked dudes are considered more credible than scientific research.

Broscience in action:

“Bro, you gotta slam 40-60 grams of waxy maize plus 20 grams of BCAA within 7 seconds of finishing your last set of squat rack curls. Otherwise, you’ll go straight catabolic.”

bro science, how to gain weight and muscle fast

You wanna see bro science in real life? Find a big buff guy in your gym. He will most likely be a walking encyclopedia of bro science. 🙂

Typical conversation with a bro scientist.

Bro: “Dude, you are doing it all wrong. You gotta hit them muscles at a 75 degree angle and then rotate the weights a bit at the top, while simultaneously clenching your buttocks. Trust me, it works!”

You: “You sure? What’s the proof?”

Bro flexes his bicep and points at it: “Here’s the proof!”

Bro science isn’t based on any scientific research, but just on observations of big buff dudes (and sometimes puny dudes who think they know better too) on what “works”. If a bro scientist is working out and is feeling a particularly strong pump during the workout and then looks out the window and notices that it’s raining, he will attribute that strong pump to the beneficial effects of the rain.

Bro: “Dude, the rain gives out powerful effects of hydration, which then stimulate the flow of electrolytes in your body…”

What the bro forgot to mention is that he lives in Rainy City, Washington where it rains 24/7 and using the same type of logic you could attribute the act of cows farting to the fact that there is a light drizzle outside.

So how do you become a bro scientist yourself?

Let’s say you have been doing some cardio after your lifting workouts. However for whatever reason you decide to switch and start doing them before your lifting workouts. After a while you notice that your biceps have gotten bigger than before. It must be due to the fact that you are doing your cardio before your workout. That is the reason!

Then you remember that you heard somewhere that warming up before a workout stimulates the faster absorption of protein by the body and an anabolic effect on the muscles. Yes, that’s it! The same effect must be at work here. You don’t remember who said that or whether it was even relevant, but now you have your absolute “truth” on how to get bigger biceps.

“Bro, you gotta do 15 minutes of slow paced cardio followed by 5 minutes of fast paced cardio. That way you will get the protein in your body flowing and get the amino acids fast into the muscles stimulating the anabolic effect on the muscles. Thereby your biceps will get HUGE!”

You wanna step it up and become a Bro Professor? Then you gotta go on the internet and back all this up by some sort of a scientific study. You don’t even need to read the whole study, just the abstract will do fine. And don’t bother with all the complicated words, they are just there so that the scientists can sound smart.

You find a study that was done on a small population of rats. You read the abstract to get the gist of what the study was about. Your eyes skim over and it says something about rats running around in some maze and then seeing an increase in the muscle size on their front legs. Booom!! Proof right there! Your truth is backed up by “studies”!

Now to turn yourself into a walking encyclopedia of bro science you need to turn more of your observations into real truths. You started taking this new supplement laced with buphatomenthalotines or some other really long name.

Bro: “If you can’t pronounce it, it must be good for you!”

After a while you seem to observe a noticeable pump on your second set of lifts. So now you get a new theory on how to achieve insane muscle gains! You take this new supplement 25 minutes before every workout, throw in some electrolytes (everyone is talking about them, they must be good, right?) and you got yourself a new bro science axiom.

So now you have two totally legit theories on how to build muscle and you can spit wisdom to all your fellow gym goers. Congratulations, you have made it! You are a real certified Brofessor! 🙂


image 1

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Copyright Renaissance Man Journal 2017
Tech Nerd theme designed by Siteturner
shares
%d bloggers like this: